Disobedience: A Thought Experiment

Saturday I attended an event connected with U of U's weeklong Strategies for Social Change Conference. It was a four-hour nonviolent resistance and civil disobedience training. Talk about interesting! I learned a ton, and I met some really great people. During the training we were organized in hypothetical affinity groups in which we practiced much of the things we learned including safety, legal issues, consensus, planning, etc. Our affinity group really bonded and we ended up sharing contact information and making a pact to keep in touch. While everyone else was leaving, we were still having a big group hug. It was hard to get break us up when it was time to go!

I attended this thing because my Psychology of Good and Evil (PSY 3850) professor passed the flyers around the classroom (She and another campus friend attended). Since Mike had the kids this weekend I thought, oh hell why not? It's certainly an intriguing facet of peace and justice, and since I'm a Peace and Justice Studies minor perhaps I ought to know more about it. I was really excited about what I learned and I look forward to putting this new knowledge and skillset to practice. I have no plans to do anything risky (i.e. dangerous or illegal and getting arrested and "going limp," but I think that along with writing my senator and house representative, demonstrations done properly are a right, a privelege, and perhaps even a responsiblity at times in any truly democratic society. Of course I've already been criticized and villianized by those I've shared my excitement with. It was suggested behind my back that wanting to make the world a better place is a nice idea, but that peace and justice are best served when people like me just shut up and obey the law of the land. Hmmm...

I'm thinking of Martin Luther King, Jr. He didn't just shut up. He took every opportunity he could to speak up loud and clear. He taught his followers to both love and disobey their enemies. He led a nonviolent movement that was anything but passive. I'm thinking of Rosa Parks.  She wasn't just some poor old lady who finally had enough and cracked down the middle. She played the key role in a carefully planned civil disobedience action, collaborating with civil rights leaders, including King.

King's mentor, Ghandi, led thousands of peasants in a march to the sea as an act of civil disobedience. They broke the law by gathering salt which was an abundant and convenient natural resource for which the British government controlled all sales and exacted an exorbitant tax, expoliting the poorest of Indians. Gandhi spent a year in prison for this action, but it marked the beginning of the end of British colonization in India.

Then there's South Africa. While Nelson Mandela is certainly a heroic figure, his committment to nonviolence, which he studied under Gandhi, failed. But there were many South African's who were stoic in their committment to nonviolence and civil disobedience. These included attorneys, both black and white, who set up secret law offices in the city limits where blacks were not permitted by law to practice so they might work near the court houses in which they provided legal defense for anti-apartheid figures, including Mandella. Bram Fischer was one such attorney, a white Afrikaner who led a life of privelege but gave up everything including his own freedom and eventually his life to fight the unjust legal system that perpetuated apartheid.

I'm just thinking that were it not for nonviolent resistance and civil disobedience, we'd still have a segregated U.S., African apartheid, and a colonized India. Were King, Parks, Gandhi, and Fischer more committed to obedience than to human life and dignity, we wouldn't have made the amazing strides toward a more just world that we've seen in the last century. In fact, there is a vast body of literature which indicates that cultures with a strong focus on obedience and authority are prime candidates for perpetuating genocide. In reverse, in all cultures where genocide has taken place, the focus on obedience and authority were key aspects of the continuum of destruction. That's something to think about.

Oh I'm not suggesting a houseful of children without rules (God forbid!), or complete social/political anarchy in a literal context, but rather the questioning of unjust laws (Missouri repealed the legal extermination order on Mormons only a few short years ago). We might do well to consider under what circumstances we might be compelled to perform an act of civil disobedience--a thought experiment, if you will.

Martin Luther King, Jr.: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Martin_Luther_King,_Jr.

Rosa Parks: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rosa_Parks

Gandhi's Salt Satagraha: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Salt_Satyagraha

Bram Fischer: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bram_Fischer

As If I Needed an Extra Dose of Humility!

I've been dealing with kidney stones and infections (everything from my kidneys, south) since the first weekend of Spring Semester. Two weeks after finishing my latest antibiotic, I'm still experiencing a great deal of discomfort and pain, as well as having difficulties peeing to put it indelicately. I called my Dr.'s office yesterday in an attempt to receive sympathy and validation  from an actual medical professional, so today they called me back to let me know they ordered another urinalisis for me at the lab. I went by the lab this afternoon.

I had myself a nice, large iced tea from Carles Jr. before I went over. "That'll do it," I said to myself! When they called me back they gave me my special wipe and clean catch specimine container, and of course they reminded me to follow the directions posted on the back of the bathroom door. I've done this a million times, but I carefully reviewed the directions again, being the conscientious invalid that I am. Step #3 goes something like this: begin urinating in the toilet to clear the urethra of contaminates, then collect the sample in your special cup during midstream. Yeah, that's a paraphrasing, but you get the idea. I did as told, only I could only make a little trickle. By the time I got that little cup in place to catch my sample midstream, it had stopped. My bladder felt full, but it just wasn't happening. I relaxed and waited in vain for that "here it comes" sensatoin to return. Remembering I had a bottle of cranberry juice in my purse, I got up, washed up, and chugged it down, then paced back and forth for awhile (it was a big bathroom). Finally I turned the water faucet on to a nice steady trickle and settled back in to wait. As I listened to the water I closed my eyes and imagined that cranberry juice trickling steadily down through my kidneys, through my ureturs, and filling my bladder with unbearable heaviness. I remained in meditation for about a half hour.

Finally, I put my empty sample container in the special window, washed up, and found the technitian, telling her, "I had difficulty collecting my sample and may I please hang out in the waiting room for awhile and see what happens?" "I'll just leave your cup and a new wipe here, so you can come back when you're ready," she said. I returned to the waiting area where I dug back into my reading for tomorrow's class and four 8-oz disposable cups of water from the conveniently located dispenser. I'd been texting back and forth with Mike on and off all afternoon, and found myself sending a text that read, "I'm at Dr. Nobuhara's office and for like maybe the 2nd time in my adult life I can't pee to save my life!" A few minutes later I received a reply from my boss, the Reverend Dr. Michael Minch (whose name appears in my phone list very near my former husband Michael's) saying, "I'm sorry about your pee problems. I'll be seeing you around."

The Right Tool for the Job

It's almost 4 and I have to get up at 7 to start all over again. Nevertheless, here I am, "Sleepless in 'Zion'." Since I was awake anyway, I decided to read some blogs I've wanted to follow. Now I feel compelled to make a personal assertion in regard to a post I came across. I don't want to be confrontational or direct unkind criticism at an old friend and her numerous supportive friends. It's just that I have a differing viewpoint. Now that I've found voice, I find myself wanting to use it once in a while when it's meaningful to me to do so.

 

Science Fair projects are a hellish nightmare, more so for conscientious parents than for their little scientists. I've been there and done that, believe me! Sometimes I think it's just asking way too much of us! It's so hard to get through a typical busy evening with homework, chores, dinner, events, and bedtime preparations. There just aren't enough hours in the day for all the planning, research, and preparation that goes into a project like that! If you haven't embarked on a Science Fair project with a child, you have no idea what I'm talking about. It really is agonizing and you just have to experience it to understand. I haven't boycotted the fair, myself, but I've been tempted--believe me! It's been a few years since I was a "good mommy" and undertaken a project with one of my kids. If any of them had the burning desire to do one, I would support and help in any way I could, really. But I can't even start my own homework until they've gone to bed most nights. I confess, I just don't want to do it anymore.

 

One might say, "Cammie, Cammie, Cammie! Quit 'controlling' your child and just let her do it her way. It's her Science Fair, not yours!" But one of the problems is that Science Fair projects DO have to follow the scientific method. To be quite honest, young children have a difficult time wrapping their brilliant, creative, energetic young minds around the method and staying on track. After all, there are a lot of exciting possibilities for exploring the world of nature and technology around us that are more fun and don't require a step-process and a four-dollar poster board! It takes discipline and patience (i.e. parental guidance) and a whole lot of graph paper, electrical wire, and glue stick to stay on track and do the damned thing correctly. If the project does not follow the scientific method, it doesn't qualify to place in the judging. This can be so disheartening for a child who didn't, for whatever reason, follow the method. That right there just feels so unfair! There are fewer things as upsetting to a parent as a child with a broken heart! But there is a very important purpose for the scientific method.

 

In non-scientific terms, let me explain why I understand the scientific method to be so important. We live in a culture in which the majority of friends, family, church members, coworkers, acquaintances, and even strangers we come in contact with will accept "because I believe" as a sufficient answer for any number of assertions. Normally that's just fine and, in our local culture especially, faith is a valued personal attribute. But suppose your doctor wanted to bleed you to get rid of the bad humors causing your bronchitis, diabetes, or cancer? If your doctor suggests such a treatment, you're probably going to leave her office rather quickly, then file a malpractice report. The questions you're unlikely to take the time to ask include: What are humors? Why are they making me sick? How does bleeding me cure my illness? And especially, what are the side effects of bleeding? Very few otherwise faithful people today are willing to take a doctor's word on his faith that bleeding will cure these or any serious illnesses. Does this sound like an absurd scenario? Actually, it was a rather common scenario a hundred years ago. Most of us understand now that bleeding is unnecessary and dangerous. Many people wealthy enough to afford the treatment back then died of blood loss instead of the infections and diseases we now treat rather easily with antibiotics and other conventional medicines and treatments. There are no such things in the body as humors, but doctors and their patients once believed there were. Bleeding was hypothesized as the best medical treatment, but that's where the scientific method ended.

 

The scientific method is the only method whereby that which is true in the physical world can be proven qualitatively and quantitatively. Scientific method cannot prove anything of a metaphysical nature such as the existence of God, the power of priesthood, or the truth of gospel. It's simply not the right tool for the job of validating metaphysical truth. The nature of the metaphysical world and our physical world are believed by many to have significant connections, but it's not the purpose of science to make those connections or to measure the validity of that which is a matter of faith. That's okay. That doesn't make science bad; science has it's own time and place and purposes, even if they are temporal. One of those purposes is to cure the sick and injured, and to improve the quality of lives. Without the scientific method, we would still be bleeding to death otherwise healthy patients with head colds. 

 

Another purpose of the scientific method is to aid agricultural experts in producing the variety, quantity, and quality of foods we need to live, grow, and be healthy. One of Stalin's friends, a "scientist," believed in a particular agricultural method. Stalin chose to accept this man's hypothesis when all credible scientists warned him that correct scientific method produced a different result and that his friend's agricultural "wisdom" was faulty. Stalin made it illegal to practice any other agricultural methods or even speak of them. Some scientists were sent to prison in Siberia and even died because they were so convinced of the error that they felt it would be unethical or immoral not to speak up. Because the state-sanctioned agricultural method was based on belief and not scientific method, the Soviet Union had a terrible famine in which citizens died by the thousands. Real human beings just like you and I suffered and died because faith was applied in lieu of science when the tool required to validate physical truth was the scientific method.

 

Understanding and applying the scientific method correctly is important to medical professionals and agricultural experts, among others, as well as to the scientists who develop new treatments, products, and technologies for those experts. But it's also important to consumers and patients in order to make better informed choices, as our choices evolve and expand daily. Perhaps Kindergarten or even 4th grade isn't the appropriate time to really learn and apply the scientific method. Maybe high school is a more appropriate time for understanding it, putting together complex research projects, then making that cognitive leap to applying it in our personal lives. Of course even teenagers need and/or want a little help with their school projects, but at least they're better able to work with a little more independence and focus than a seven-year-old. I find that I have to let some things go in order to make other things possible. One of those things is letting real and/or imagined implications or accusations that I'm a "bad mommy" go, along with unnecessary priorities and unrealistic expectations, in order to pursue my degree and be an example to my children of the love of learning and the value of higher education. That's why I have a personal aversion to the Science Fair!

So my computer was out of order for some time, but Mike ordered the part a few weeks ago and when it finally came Friday, he installed it for me. Yay!!!!

I'm well into my semester and enjoying my classes immensely. I'm only taking six credit hours this semester, but I'm finishing two imcompletes I accumulated last year as separation aftermath, so in a sense I'm working on twelve credit hours. I must confess, however, that the Culture of People and Places Topics in Literature class, The Lyrics of Bob Dylan, is so much fun it hardly feels like work. On the other hand, Psychology of Good and Evil is pretty challenging as compensation!

Somehow I ended up rechartering Gender Studies club (nobody else would accept the responsibility this year) and I'm contemplating a request to work with the ACLU on a Women's History conference. Also, a favorite professor has asked me to help her found a Peace and Justice Studies student journal with her as faculty sponsor and myself as student editor. Exciting developments, but Yikes!!!!

Tonight I'm all alone becuase it was my weekend with the kids but they all made plans for sleepovers at friends, tomorrow being a national holiday and school break. I was able to get a lot done, homeworkwise, and right now I'm taking a wee break from reading Lord of the Flies. It's my first reading and I'm thinking of using it for my submission to the 4th Annual Dialogue on Peace and Justice call for papers, the theme this year being Genocide. I'll be reading 1984 by George Orwell for the same paper.

Cass was accepted to the honors art program at her high school and I'm so proud of her. Her French teacher tells us she's talented with languages and ought to take Latin next year also, to distinguish herself academically. Her speech and debate coach tells us she's a very bright critical thinker. Her graphics teacher is very impressed with her artistic talent and technical skills beyond her peers. Pretty much all her professors had great things to say about her in her parent-teacher conference last week. Yay Cass! Way to go!!!!

 I'm well. The kids are well. Mike's got a nasty head cold, the poor boy.

That's about it for now. Luvs!

Short Post!

They finally removed my registration hold this evening. I've already registered for Topics in Literature: Lyrics of Bob Dylan (English Literature credit), as well as Free Expression in a Democratic Society (Peace and Justice Studies credit) for Spring semester. I'm starting to get excited. Of course I have piles of red tape to untangle so they won't drop my classes, but I'm working feverishly to prevent that.

I realized my blog posts have been insufferably long, so I'll keep this one short.

Good night.

I was on my way to playlist.com to see how I could add a playlist of my favorite Christmas songs to my blogspot when my browser somehow became corrupted and I found myself without access to the Internet for a few days. Mike had his weeknight with the kids tonight and helped me troubleshoot the problem while he gave Nate a trombone lesson. It's great to be back!

Last year I received a couple of $500 scholarships based on my brilliant essays, academic merit, and of course need. I chose to have one sent to the UVU bookstore and spent it down over the course of Fall and Spring semester for books and supplies. Several weeks ago I found out they misdirected that one to my student account and it was released to me as part of a tuition disbursment which I spent on repairs when my car didn't pass inspection last spring. While I was grateful to remain mobile, it means I now owe the bookstore $500 and merit a registration hold. After much negotiation (begging, groveling, outright weeping) they've allowed me to make my first monthly $10 payment (first they wanted $75 per month, then $20) and removed the registration hold. Now I'll be working with a finaid counselor to obtain funding to wipe the rest of it out so I won't have to endure the additional burden on my meagre budget. 

So I met with my new Voc Rehab counselor yesterday, as well as the district manager who was training her (it was her first day on the job) in the absence of her direct supervisor. It looks like things will fall into place (okay, more like be replaced with superhuman effort on my part and a little help from the powers that be) for my return to school in January. I was doubtful it were possible, but now I have hope that I'll manage to untangle miles of red tape in time to register for whatever classes are left that might be applied to my major or minor. Of course said red tape includes completing this academic year's FAFSA, which I abandoned when I decided I was taking Fall semester off this year to take care of personal business because it was so confusing in my state of marital/income tax limbo. In any case, I'm gonna be one busy little girl for the next few weeks as I iron out all these wrinkles! Ultimately an optimist, I think it looks like I'm going back to school. Yay!

I actually have mixed emotions about returning to school next month. I've missed my studies, meaningful work, stimulting campus life, classmates, professors, colleagues, etc. But I have so treasured the unhurried time I've had to spend with my kids. If there is any consolation, however, it's that I'm unlikely to be awarded work study (as desperately as I need the exempt income) this late in the year, so I'll at least only have to divide my attention between the kids and my homework for a while.

I got a call today from our Sub-for-Santa sponsor, the Catholic church. They apparently serve a lot of families, so we've been given the opportunity to come pick up their gifts on the 17th. I'm so grateful for their generosity. This has been a particularly difficult month, the first since our separation nearly 15 months ago that I haven't been able to pay all of my bills in full. I haven't figured that out yet, nor how I'll celebrate Cass and Gabe's birthdays the week before Christmas, but between the Catholic church (for the boys) and Mike (for Cass), we've got Christmas covered! That's a huge relief.

We finally made our gingerbread men and decorated our tree. There's just something magical about those little white lights, real candy canes, and homemade gingerbread men that have come to be part of our tradition. Each of the ornaments have their own significance as well, and each of us have certain ornaments which nobody else would take the liberty of hanging because of what they signify to that particular family member. Mike was here this year to hang our Mike & Cammie ornament and give me a big hug. I love to sit in the dark living room at night, after the kids are asleep, and stare at the tree while the christmas tunes drift softly from the boom box in the kitchen. So many memories come back to me like Christmas gifts from years past during this quiet time, and I find myself becoming teary eyed.

One of our most significant Christmas traditions surrounds The Christmas Box by Richard Paul Evans and The Angel Monument at the center of the story. It has become our tradition to honor Alissabeth Anne by reading the book, just six short chapters, during the first week of December and attending the candle light vigil at The Angel Monument on December 6th at 7:00 p.m. each year. Nate and his twin sister were born January 30th of 1997. Alissa lived only two bittersweet hours. I was very pregnant when we attended our first vigil at the Angel Monument aproximately ten months later. Less than two weeks after that our youngest, Gabe, was born. The following year we attended the vigil with the boys--nate several weeks short of two years old and Gabe a week short of one year--in umberella strollers. The vigil is matter of fact to the boys; they had never known a December without an angel of hope, white flowers, and glowing candles until last year. But I think of our children, the vigil is most poignant for Cass, who remembers holding her only sister in her arms and kissing her sweetly on the cheek while she still lived.

I was particularly grateful to return to the Angel Monument this year as a whole family, after missing the vigil for the first time after our separation last year. I'm grateful that Michael and I are not only getting along, but rediscovering our friendship and learning to coparent in new ways this year. Our divorce is almost final and we have no intentions of calling it off, but we can still be a family in significant ways. I reject the implication that our family is broken just because we don't all live together in one house anymore. In fact, I assert that our family is mending because of our new arrangements. We've come a long way in the last year and we've healed many painful parts of our past together by daring to reinvent our family in new and healthy ways. I think Alissabeth would understand better than anybody, and support us in our efforts to give our children parents who are kind to each other and endeavor to lead a whole family even though they can't be part of a whole marriage. Anyway, this reunion made being together for Alissabeth's vigil extra meaningful this year.

Low Cost Christmas

This is the information comes from a "Low Cost Gift Ideas" handout I received from the Sub-for-Santa program. I can't imagine they wouldn't want this information to be shared freely, so here it is:

Make a family matching game out of cardboard or cut cards out of plywood or chipboard. Glue pictures of your family or friends on them.

Print photos for cheap at www.pephoto.com

101 reasons (or less if you want) "Why I love you." Take 101 kisses and attach 101 reaasons why you love the person.

Sew an apron. It is very easy plus you can get great deals on fabrics. Fnd a large variety of patterns at: www.tipnut.com/56-free-apron-patters-you-can-make/

Buy a blank calendar or dowload one from the internet. Decorate it with personal or cute photos for someone you love.

Compile a history by gathering cool stories, historical accounts and photographs from grandparents, ancestors and other cherished family memories.

Give the gift of warmth by putting hot chocolate packets into a cool mug with a candy cane to stir. Wrapt it in cellophane and tie it closed with a ribbon.

Give a cupon book of activities you can do together or make service vouchers like a car wash.

Take a big matchbox and blue a photo on it. Buy a pretty candle and wrap it with the matchbox.

Make a picture frame out of a cereal box or other cardboard, cut it into a square with a square center removed. Cover it with your favorite paper or fabric and put a picture behind it.

@}~~~~

Hmm....some of these actually sound more expensive than just buying a modest store-bought gift. But you know, it's the thought and effort that counts, not the price, if you can afford the project. LOL